Don’t Take It Out on Those You Love

Are you stressed? Do you need something to eat?  Are you tired? Are you hangry?

We all have pain and it needs to go somewhere. Pain, like energy, is transferred, when not transformed.

Why do we take out our stress on those we love the most? It’s because we love them the most. So when it happens…apologize to that person, then work on not using people you love as an emotional punching bag. This world will be a better place for the both of you. Tell him or her how much you love him or her.

“All streams flow to the sea because it is lower than they are. Humility gives it its power.” – Lao Tzu

Here is what else you can do after you ask your three questions to yourself and head out to eat something and take a nap:

  1. Identify why you’re really upset.
  2. Turn to your inner self or a higher being to ask what this is really about. It’s a potential moment or opportunity to grow.
  3. Apologize to those you took your stress out on.

Willfull Well-being Wednesdays: Carol Ryff and Burton H. Singer’s Six Categories of Well-being

I read the Huffington Post every now and then. I came across this article, written by David Sze and thought it was a gem. It fit perfectly into Willfull Well-being Wednesdays. I thought it would be a good idea to introduce the Six Categories of Well-bring according to Professors Carol Ryff and Burton Singer from the University of Wisconsin-Madison.

It turns out that they developed a well-being theory by joining philosophical questions with scientific empiricism, from a plethora of well-being theories and research, which included the works of Aristotle, John Stuart Mill, Abraham Maslow, and Carl Jung, to name a few. The six categories that intersected these theories are the foundation a new model of well-being.

Carol Ryff and Burton H. Singer’s Six Categories of Well-being are:

1) Self-Acceptance

High Self Acceptance: You possess a positive attitude toward yourself; acknowledge and accept multiple aspects of yourself including both good and bad qualities; and feel positive about your past life.

Low Self Acceptance: You feel dissatisfied with yourself; are disappointed with what has occurred in your past life; are troubled about certain personal qualities; and wish to be different than what you are.

2) Personal Growth

Strong Personal Growth: You have a feeling of continued development; see yourself as growing and expanding; are open to new experiences; have the sense of realizing your potential; see improvement in yourself and behavior over time; are changing in ways that reflect more self-knowledge and effectiveness.

Weak Personal Growth: You have a sense of personal stagnation; lack the sense of improvement or expansion over time; feel bored and uninterested with life; and feel unable to develop new attitudes or behaviors.

3) Purpose in Life

Strong Purpose in Life: You have goals in life and a sense of directedness; feel there is meaning to your present and past life; hold beliefs that give life purpose; and have aims and objectives for living.

Weak Purpose in Life: You lack a sense of meaning in life; have few goals or aims, lack a sense of direction; do not see purpose of your past life; and have no outlook or beliefs that give life meaning.

4) Positive Relations With Others

Strong Positive Relations: You have warm, satisfying, trusting relationships with others; are concerned about the welfare of others; are capable of strong empathy, affection, and intimacy; and understand the give and take of human relationships.

Weak Relations: You have few close, trusting relationships with others; find it difficult to be warm, open, and concerned about others; are isolated and frustrated in interpersonal relationships; and are not willing to make compromises to sustain important ties with others.

5) Environmental Mastery

High Environmental Mastery: You have a sense of mastery and competence in managing the environment; control complex array of external activities; make effective use of surrounding opportunities; and are able to choose or create contexts suitable to your personal needs and values.

Low Environmental Mastery: You have difficulty managing everyday affairs; feel unable to change or improve surrounding contexts; are unaware of surrounding opportunities; and lack a sense of control over the external world.

6) Autonomy

High Autonomy: You are self-determining and independent; are able to resist social pressures to think and act in certain ways; regulate behavior from within; and evaluate yourself by personal standards.

Low Autonomy: You are concerned about the expectations and evaluations of others; rely on judgments of others to make important decisions; and conform to social pressures to think and act in certain ways.

What does this mean? It means that well-being is not just a state of mind, but all of these areas that can be developed in our lives. The six categories are based on Aristotle’s Nichomachean Ethics, where the goal of life to live with virtue. So deep.

Willfull Well-being Wednesdays: Affirmations

The first and last time I visualized and affirmed my success was at the beginning of a swim meet in high school. A swimmer’s mom came to school before the meet. She had us all sit in a circle and close our eyes. She asked us to individually see ourselves winning the event we were about to swim. My event was the 100m freestyle. I ate a Tiger’s Milk Peanut Butter Bar and Lipton’s Brisk Tropical Iced Tea right before my event. I won it. I thought I jumped in the water earlier than everyone because I couldn’t see anyone in my periphery. Wow. It really worked.

It hit me yesterday. I need to do more of this visualization and start my day with positivity.

I searched for “affirmations” on Google and lo-and-behold, a Huffington Post article gave me a list of them. I started writing them out on index cards left over from studying for final exams and voilà! I had Minute 2 of my new found morning ritual: SAVERS (Thank you, Hal Elrod!)

Minute 1: S is for silence.

Instead of hitting the snooze button, and then rushing through your day feeling stressed and overwhelmed, invest your first minute in sitting in purposeful silence. Sit quietly, calm and peaceful and breathe deeply. Maybe you meditate. Center yourself and create an optimum state of mind that will lead you effectively through the rest of your day.

Maybe you say a prayer of gratitude and appreciate the moment. As you sit in silence, you quiet your mind, relax your body and allow your stress to melt away. You develop a deeper sense of clarity, purpose, and direction.

Minute 2: A is for Affirmations.

Pull out and read your page of affirmations — written statements that remind you of your unlimited potential, your most important goals and the actions you must take today to achieve them. Reading over reminders of how capable you really are motivates you. Looking over which actions you must take, re-energizes you to focus on doing what’s necessary today to takeyour life to the next level.

Minute 3. V is for visualization.

Close your eyes and visualize what it will look like and feel like when you reach your goals. Seeing your ideal vision increases your belief that it’s possible and your desire to make it a reality.

Minute 4. E is for exercise.

Stand up and move your body for 60 seconds, long enough to increase the flow of blood and oxygen to your brain. You could easily do a minute of jumping jacks, push-ups, or sit-ups. The point is that you raise your heart rate, generate energy and increase your ability to be alert and focused.

Minute 5. R is for reading.

Grab the self-help book you’re currently reading and read one page, maybe two. Learn a new idea, something you can incorporate into your day, which will improve your results at work or in your relationships. Discover something new that you can use to think better, feel better and live better.

Minute 6. S is for scribing.

Pull out your journal and take one minute to write down something you’re grateful for, something you’re proud of and the top one to three results that you’re committed to creating that day. In doing so, you create the clarity and motivation that you need to take action.


Why not be your own champion everyday? Sounds good to me!