Don’t Take It Out on Those You Love

Are you stressed? Do you need something to eat?  Are you tired? Are you hangry?

We all have pain and it needs to go somewhere. Pain, like energy, is transferred, when not transformed.

Why do we take out our stress on those we love the most? It’s because we love them the most. So when it happens…apologize to that person, then work on not using people you love as an emotional punching bag. This world will be a better place for the both of you. Tell him or her how much you love him or her.

“All streams flow to the sea because it is lower than they are. Humility gives it its power.” – Lao Tzu

Here is what else you can do after you ask your three questions to yourself and head out to eat something and take a nap:

  1. Identify why you’re really upset.
  2. Turn to your inner self or a higher being to ask what this is really about. It’s a potential moment or opportunity to grow.
  3. Apologize to those you took your stress out on.

Draw a Circle Around You

Last week, I talked about drawing a circle around you. wpid-20150728_083210.png

Have you thought of this? The only thing you can control is yourself. If you’re about to have a melt-down, it’s not that you’re not allowed to – go have it. Go have it on your own, take a minute, go for a walk, and let it out. Go to the gym, lift those weights, sweat it out, and let it out. Go to your desk, take a pen and paper, write it out, and let it out. There is a great feeling on letting it out. Go to your bed, think it out, scream in the pillow, and let it out. Right?

So, look, you got this. There is nothing in this world that keeps you from being you and you’re the only one you can control. Let it out.

Sworkit App and Workin’ It

My BFF and I live 2,915.5 miles from each other and our friendship has lasted fourteen years. One way to keep our friendship up, we decided to keep each other accountable in working out. We first talked about running, which I agreed to, although I loathe running. She awesomely came up with the Sworkit App. I decided that not only do I need her accountability, but my own because I really just do not like working out.

I know that I like to do only two things: 1) compounding exercises that work out my core using a kettlebell and 2) pilates.

Day 1 of Sworkit was a complete disaster. It was awkward using my phone to look at the exercises, so I just stopped. Really. I’m a quitter. My BFF, on the other hand, suggested putting the app up on the television. But really, who has time for that? So, I took out my kettlebell, went to my Pinterest page and picked a kettlebell workout. Now, I’m really sore and hate my life, but this is all about one step at a time, right?

Here is the kettlebell workout if you’re interested:

What you’ll need:

Set your timer for 12 rounds of 50 seconds and 10 seconds.
During each 50 second interval, complete the following exercises in the exact order below.

Kettlebell Swings
Figure 8’s with Oblique Twist
Kettlebell Burpee with Alternating High Pull (alternating after each burpee)
Lateral Lunge (alternating after each rep)

I only lasted two rounds. I can barely walk today. Everything aches.

Here is the link to the blog site with the interval workout:


String of Complaints


Apparently, I am not the only one in this world who complains. What a humanly natural thing to do! I think usually the only one who has a hard time with it is whoever is listening.

In the following five steps, New York City psychologist, Vivian Diller, Ph.D., gives advice: “instead of,” “hang in there,” “shift expectations,” and “avoid.” While I think it can be productive to take the following five steps, so are good friends and asking them if you can borrow their ears to release. Until you can find those awesome willing persons, here you go:

  1. Identify the discomfort when you feel a complaint coming on.
    Something is bothering me and deserves my attention.”
  2. Consider an alternative proactive behavior instead of lamenting out loud.
    Is there anything I can do that will alleviate my discomfort?”
  3. Tolerate the discomfort temporarily if no action can be taken right away.
    Can I hang in there until I figure out a solution?
  4. Shift expectations of yourself and others to lower the bar.
    If I make some internal adjustments, perhaps my discomfort will be more tolerable.
  5. Think long-term change to avoid future complaints. “Perhaps I can alter my situation so that the discomfort is less likely to occur in the future.

Willfull Well-being Wednesdays: What to do Instead of Worrying

According to the Dale Carnegie book I covered last Wednesday, you can do more to worry less. Aristotle taught this and used the three basic steps of problem analysis.

The three steps are:
1. Get the facts
2. Analyze the facts.
3. Arrive at a decision— and then act on that decision

1. Get the facts
We have to keep our emotions out of our thinking; and, as Dean Hawkes put it, we must secure the facts in “an impartial, objective” manner.
A. Then Pretend:
Pretend that you are  collecting this information not for yourself, but for some other person.

Pretend that you are a lawyer preparing to argue the other side of the issue. Try to get all the facts of both sides.

2. Analyze the facts. Ask yourself two things:
A.  What am I worrying about?
B. What can I do about it?

3. Arrive at a decision— and then act on that decision

Willfull Well-being Wednesdays: Carol Ryff and Burton H. Singer’s Six Categories of Well-being

I read the Huffington Post every now and then. I came across this article, written by David Sze and thought it was a gem. It fit perfectly into Willfull Well-being Wednesdays. I thought it would be a good idea to introduce the Six Categories of Well-bring according to Professors Carol Ryff and Burton Singer from the University of Wisconsin-Madison.

It turns out that they developed a well-being theory by joining philosophical questions with scientific empiricism, from a plethora of well-being theories and research, which included the works of Aristotle, John Stuart Mill, Abraham Maslow, and Carl Jung, to name a few. The six categories that intersected these theories are the foundation a new model of well-being.

Carol Ryff and Burton H. Singer’s Six Categories of Well-being are:

1) Self-Acceptance

High Self Acceptance: You possess a positive attitude toward yourself; acknowledge and accept multiple aspects of yourself including both good and bad qualities; and feel positive about your past life.

Low Self Acceptance: You feel dissatisfied with yourself; are disappointed with what has occurred in your past life; are troubled about certain personal qualities; and wish to be different than what you are.

2) Personal Growth

Strong Personal Growth: You have a feeling of continued development; see yourself as growing and expanding; are open to new experiences; have the sense of realizing your potential; see improvement in yourself and behavior over time; are changing in ways that reflect more self-knowledge and effectiveness.

Weak Personal Growth: You have a sense of personal stagnation; lack the sense of improvement or expansion over time; feel bored and uninterested with life; and feel unable to develop new attitudes or behaviors.

3) Purpose in Life

Strong Purpose in Life: You have goals in life and a sense of directedness; feel there is meaning to your present and past life; hold beliefs that give life purpose; and have aims and objectives for living.

Weak Purpose in Life: You lack a sense of meaning in life; have few goals or aims, lack a sense of direction; do not see purpose of your past life; and have no outlook or beliefs that give life meaning.

4) Positive Relations With Others

Strong Positive Relations: You have warm, satisfying, trusting relationships with others; are concerned about the welfare of others; are capable of strong empathy, affection, and intimacy; and understand the give and take of human relationships.

Weak Relations: You have few close, trusting relationships with others; find it difficult to be warm, open, and concerned about others; are isolated and frustrated in interpersonal relationships; and are not willing to make compromises to sustain important ties with others.

5) Environmental Mastery

High Environmental Mastery: You have a sense of mastery and competence in managing the environment; control complex array of external activities; make effective use of surrounding opportunities; and are able to choose or create contexts suitable to your personal needs and values.

Low Environmental Mastery: You have difficulty managing everyday affairs; feel unable to change or improve surrounding contexts; are unaware of surrounding opportunities; and lack a sense of control over the external world.

6) Autonomy

High Autonomy: You are self-determining and independent; are able to resist social pressures to think and act in certain ways; regulate behavior from within; and evaluate yourself by personal standards.

Low Autonomy: You are concerned about the expectations and evaluations of others; rely on judgments of others to make important decisions; and conform to social pressures to think and act in certain ways.

What does this mean? It means that well-being is not just a state of mind, but all of these areas that can be developed in our lives. The six categories are based on Aristotle’s Nichomachean Ethics, where the goal of life to live with virtue. So deep.

Willful Well-being Wednesdays: Digging Deeper with Your Affirmations

In my years in Sales, I attended annual sales meetings. They were usually opportunity to meet my friends across the nation who I went through training with, but the corporation usually had sales excercises for us so that we could make beaucoup bucks for the new fiscal year.

One exercise that I am extrememly fond of is drilling questions. On top of asking a customer an open-ended question to uncover a potential reason why the customer is not buying the product, it was imperative to figure out why, what, when, where, and how that came to be for the customer. In a very similar way, one can drill deep on one’s affirmation of self.

After going through affirmations for a week, I figured that this should be a self-inflicted (in a good way) exercise with affirmations because then it gets to the heart of why these affirmations are important to us, individually. The affirmations become extremely personal this way.

The beauty of this exercise is to drill deeper with the affirmations, making them more personal to you.

For those who have not read the Affirmation Post, you can catch up. I am encouraging you to drill deeper in your affimations and add the following three affirmation statement cards, tailored to strengthening yourself:

I am: A statement that identifies who you are.

I AM statments are strengthening affirmations, of who you really are in your core. I AM statements are an inventory of your attributes, strengths, talents and competencies. For example:

  • I am spiritually, mentally, and physically healthy.
  • I am gifted intellecutally and am a prolific writer.
  • I am a compassionate and caring person who cares about the homeless and needy.

I can: A statement that makes you capable.

I CAN statements tell yourself that you can accomplish a goal you have set for yourself.  You believe and empower yourself to grow, alter, and assist yourself in ways to attain goals that are within your reach.

  • I can be healthy and each a serving of vegetables with each meal
  • I can sit and study for three hours straight.
  • I can be a better daughter and sister by calling my parents and brother once every two weeks.

I will: A statement promising a positive change in your life.

I WILL statements are a promise to yourself. Why would you break promises to yourself if you wouldn’t break promises to those who are closest to you? These affirmations are what you intend will happen.  You make I WILL statements after you have confirmed your priorities. When you omit WILL, your WILL statement becomes statement in the present.

  • I will show I love my Husband everyday by writing him a little love letter.
  • I will speak with confidence everyday.
  • I will do my morning affirmations daily.

– See more at:

Willful Well-being Wednesdays: Be Brave.

Be brave, my friend.

I am in love with feel-good quotes, especially the quotes that remind me to be brave. They get me through the short-term funks, you know, the tough times.

Here are a few of my favorites:
“Fall seven times, stand up eight.” – Japanese Proverb

“Promise me you’ll always remember: You’re braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.” (Christopher Robin to Winnie the Pooh) – A.A. Milne’s Winnie the Pooh

“Be brave. Even if you’re not, pretend to be. No one can tell the difference” – H. Jackson Brown Jr.

For all the times these quotes haven’t instilled bravery, Haagen Daz Strawberry Ice Cream definitely worked!

Morning affirmation follow-up.
Add this affirmation to your cards:

You is kind. You is smart. You is important. – Kathryn Stockett, The Help

Willfull Well-being Wednesdays: Affirmations

The first and last time I visualized and affirmed my success was at the beginning of a swim meet in high school. A swimmer’s mom came to school before the meet. She had us all sit in a circle and close our eyes. She asked us to individually see ourselves winning the event we were about to swim. My event was the 100m freestyle. I ate a Tiger’s Milk Peanut Butter Bar and Lipton’s Brisk Tropical Iced Tea right before my event. I won it. I thought I jumped in the water earlier than everyone because I couldn’t see anyone in my periphery. Wow. It really worked.

It hit me yesterday. I need to do more of this visualization and start my day with positivity.

I searched for “affirmations” on Google and lo-and-behold, a Huffington Post article gave me a list of them. I started writing them out on index cards left over from studying for final exams and voilà! I had Minute 2 of my new found morning ritual: SAVERS (Thank you, Hal Elrod!)

Minute 1: S is for silence.

Instead of hitting the snooze button, and then rushing through your day feeling stressed and overwhelmed, invest your first minute in sitting in purposeful silence. Sit quietly, calm and peaceful and breathe deeply. Maybe you meditate. Center yourself and create an optimum state of mind that will lead you effectively through the rest of your day.

Maybe you say a prayer of gratitude and appreciate the moment. As you sit in silence, you quiet your mind, relax your body and allow your stress to melt away. You develop a deeper sense of clarity, purpose, and direction.

Minute 2: A is for Affirmations.

Pull out and read your page of affirmations — written statements that remind you of your unlimited potential, your most important goals and the actions you must take today to achieve them. Reading over reminders of how capable you really are motivates you. Looking over which actions you must take, re-energizes you to focus on doing what’s necessary today to takeyour life to the next level.

Minute 3. V is for visualization.

Close your eyes and visualize what it will look like and feel like when you reach your goals. Seeing your ideal vision increases your belief that it’s possible and your desire to make it a reality.

Minute 4. E is for exercise.

Stand up and move your body for 60 seconds, long enough to increase the flow of blood and oxygen to your brain. You could easily do a minute of jumping jacks, push-ups, or sit-ups. The point is that you raise your heart rate, generate energy and increase your ability to be alert and focused.

Minute 5. R is for reading.

Grab the self-help book you’re currently reading and read one page, maybe two. Learn a new idea, something you can incorporate into your day, which will improve your results at work or in your relationships. Discover something new that you can use to think better, feel better and live better.

Minute 6. S is for scribing.

Pull out your journal and take one minute to write down something you’re grateful for, something you’re proud of and the top one to three results that you’re committed to creating that day. In doing so, you create the clarity and motivation that you need to take action.


Why not be your own champion everyday? Sounds good to me!